The Kingdom Movement

A Literary & Pastoral Study Guide to the Gospel of Matthew

The Inspiration of Matthew,

by Caravaggio

On the King's Errand

Devotional Reflections on Matthew's Gospel

Heart Transformation for Integrity, Part 2:  Mt.5:33 – 37

^5:33 Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord. ³⁴ But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, ³⁵ or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king. ³⁶ Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. ³⁷ But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil.

          During my senior year of college, I was enjoying my role as a student leader in a Christian fellowship.  Until about January, when there was this girl.  She was a sophomore, and she was also a leader in the fellowship.  She had qualities that I admired:  She really wanted to invest in the freshmen girls; she also cared a lot about the people in her life; she loved to talk about Scripture; and she liked ballroom dancing!  So I asked her to go with me to one of Stanford’s big deal events, the Viennese Ball, a tuxedo and gown affair.  It was such a big deal that you had to line up overnight outside to make sure you got tickets.  My roommate took his girlfriend.  We were going to double date; the guys were going to cook dinner beforehand.  But somewhere in the leadup to the dance itself, I developed feelings for this girl.  I talked to some mentors of mine and asked them what they thought I should do.  They asked good questions about what qualities I liked in her, whether I thought I was really interested in a relationship and ready for one, whether she was, and whether I should ask her about it before the dance.  Because I’m kind of bad at hiding things like that, I shared those feelings.  Her response was, ‘I’ve only thought of us as being friends.’  Awww… I know.  So then I felt stuck.  I felt awkward still going with her to the Viennese Ball.  I felt awkward being on the fellowship’s leadership team with her.  And I felt awkward being in the same circle of friends.

          But I had given my word.  To my roommate that we would do this double date.  To my fellow student leaders that I would serve out that year in leadership.  And although I hadn’t made an explicit verbal commitment to be friends with everyone involved, it was implicit, and I wanted to.  I hadn’t been in that kind of situation before, torn between my emotions and my commitments.  My friends and mentors, David and Derek, advised me this way:  ‘Look Mako, most of these feelings are about embarrassment.  But think it through.  Would anyone fault you for liking her?  No: She’s a great girl.  Would she fault you for liking her?  No.  If she knows she’s a decent person, then why would she blame you for recognizing that?  You haven’t done anything wrong.  So really, what is there to hide?  You can just laugh at yourself and at the situation.’  After praying about that, and letting Jesus remind me that he defines who I am, and that my feelings don’t define who I am, I was able to tell my roommate that I was still in.  And I talked to the girl and said, ‘Well, if you’re still ok with going with me, I’d still like to go with you, as friends.’  She said yes to that.  ‘I want you to know ahead of time that my roommate and I are going to make dinner for you and his girlfriend.  But just take it at face value.  We just wanted to do some fun things altogether.’  She was good with that.  And that year in ministry wound up being the best year out of my four years.  I was involved with 4 people giving their lives to Jesus.  I mentored a few younger guys, and all the leaders worked really well together.  I not only learned to keep my word, but how to deal with my own emotions in order to keep my word.

          Now I’m not saying that once you make a commitment that you absolutely must keep it, no backing out.  But I am saying that giving your word to other people, making a commitment, is a big deal.  A bigger deal than you think.  At the heart of the Christian faith is the character of God.  God makes commitments by His word.  He says what He will do, and then He does what He says.  Hebrews 6:17 says that God cannot lie.  He cannot break His word. He cannot be unfaithful to the commitments He makes.  So as we get to know this God, know His love and His character, His heart is that we become people of our word.

          People took/take oaths when they need to reassure other people that ‘I really mean it this time.’  Jesus is addressing not just the issue of how to speak, but the larger question of our integrity.  One definition of integrity is a unity between your word and your deed.  At the time of Jesus, some Israelites believed that swearing by God was really serious, but swearing by less holy objects like ‘heaven’ or ‘Jerusalem’ was not as binding.  Jesus is saying it’s not whether you put your hand on a Bible.  It’s not about whether you said you'd do it or not.  You either said ‘yes’ or ‘no.’  Your word ought to be your deed.